Marriage is a cool situation, because it's a decision that two people make to give each other their families. They, their immediate and extended family all become one big family. How cool is that??
Well, it can be cool, unless you don't get along with them. This is such an important step. Building a strong relationship (for us women) with our mother-in-law is crucial. She has the ability to tell us things about our husbands that we probably wouldn't know for years.
If you are an engaged couple, I would strongly suggest having a sit down conversation with your fiance's mother. The stories she tells you about how she parented him, taught him, disciplined him, and helped him will teach you so much about your future spouse. Not only about the habits he may have in the future, but the childhood and leadership he had within the home.
When I met my fiance's family, his mother told me so many things I hadn't known previously. The only way she could cure his migraines, the ways she got him to listen to her, and do what she said, etc. Man was that enlightening! I never knew the importance of being in a close relationship with my in-laws.
“Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God” (Ruth 1:16).
I love that this quote from the scriptures says "thy people shall be my people." It is important that we put aside any differences with the other family or parents, and love them. Love them because you love your husband or wife. They are their people, and they want you to love them as much as they do.
As you experience this transition and gain so many extra siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. you will come to know of the true joy the family is.
As I studied about counseling as spouses and couples, "beware of pride" was stuck in my head. Really the majority of stubbornness, and inability to see eye to eye comes from this. A prideful heart can be difficult to overcome, but not impossible.
Just as the stories in the Book of Mormon explain that the pride of the peoples hearts destroyed them, it is similar within a marriage. Those who cannot speak, council, and UNDERSTAND each other are bound to struggle. An open mind is essential within a relationship.
"Behold, are ye stripped of pride? I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God. Behold ye must prepare quickly; for the kingdom of heaven is soon at hand, and such an one hath not eternal life." (Alma 5:28)
I have struggled with this topic at times, as I am sure most people have. Sometimes it can be hard to see another persons point of view, especially when things aren't going your way. Please, council together, speak together, pray together, and remember what is so important, and why you are doing what you are. These things will help overcome any obstacle placed in your path.
We live in a world full of dishonesty, one night stands, and
free-for-all's. It is a rarity for people to wait for marriage to be
intimate with someone. That is the way God intended sexual relations to
be, between a husband and wife.
Definition of
Fidelity (n.): faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated
by continuing loyalty and support. (Taken from dictionary.com)
The traditional bonds of marriage are something that can't be
compromised. Getting to share special moments, knowing you have someone
by your side, and always having your spouse to work things out with you.
In this day and age, it is becoming more popular to skip that whole
step, and just continue on as if a couple is married, even when they are
not.
Intimacy is not disgusting, sinful, or
wrong within the bonds of marriage. It is a gift from God, and it gives
us the ability to reproduce, and reap the benefits of bringing children
into this life. What a better way to bond than to start a family with
the person you love?
I am so excited to turn
the love I have for my fiance into an eternal bond through marital
covenants. I have been waiting to find my prince charming, and he has
come. When I marry him in the temple this summer, that fidelity and 100%
trust in each other will be strengthened even more. I know marriage can
be difficult, and temptations will arise, because the world is filled
with filth.
I know as I stay faithful to my
husband, we will both feel an exceedingly great amount of joy,
inexplicable to those who choose not to be bound to the one person they
want to spend eternity with.
Charity is the pure love of Christ. It's that simple. There are so many people in this world who do not know what that love feels like, because they don't know it exists. It is our job as saints to bring that to their knowledge.
On the other hand, charity plays a big role in marriage.
In Moroni 7:46-47, it says: "Wherefore, my beloved bretheren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail--- But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him"
I believe that charity is a sacred and heavenly gift that can be attained by righteous living, and a change of heart. Serving our spouse should bring us great joy. Seeing them smile, knowing they appreciate what we do for them, and loving every minute of it. With serving eachother, a marriage is easily equally yolked. If both husband and wife choose to go above and beyond to serve one another, things are likely to be less contentious.
There have been many times where I feel defeated. Either making my fiance dinner, and him having to stay at work hours later than planned, only to come home to a cold meal, or even just never feeling like I do enough. I know I put great effort into what I do, but sometimes I feel like I could be doing better. The saying "it's the thought that counts" is something that has rattled around in my mind for quite some time. When we feel defeated, this is something to remember.
In conclusion, I would just like to say that charity is important. As we open our hearts toward Christ, and let his influence guide our path, we will seek a much higher standard of life. Even little acts of kindness and charity within a marriage can work wonders. Offering a piece of gum, opening the car door, putting the toilet seat down, or even leaving your wife a flower on her night stand (extra points for that). All of these simple acts can lead to a healthy relationship that does not require any "I owe you's".
The law of consecration is one that is a key to our happiness. The strength it can give a person is impeccable. One of the things I really studied out this week was how this affects a marriage.
On lds.org I found a lesson that explains this topic very well (found below)
In a book written by H. Wallace Goddard, he states that "while many of us tentatively experiment with trusting God, He waits patiently. He will answer every experiement with the same result: love, joy and peace are the fruits of trusting Him."
A marriage is something that should be a three way street. Heavenly Father is needed for a successful, happy temple marriage. He waits patiently for us to come back to Him when we are lead astray, and is always greeted with open arms. He wants a temple marriage to succeed, because we are His children and He wants to see us reap the full benefits of His gospel established on the earth, and throughout the eternities. It is a plan of happiness. By setting our needs aside, and taking the Lords hand in everything we do, this will help us discover a more godly love. You will see your attitude toward life, people, and terrible situations shift.
Over the last few years I have been really making it a point to find my testimony. As I learned about the law of consecration in depth, I put it into action. I watched my life slowly shift. There were many times when I would normally be stressed, short tempered, or moody because of a situation, but instead, I reacted with love and kindness. If all married couples changed the way they thought and did things, what would the world be like? Would marriages be happier and more successful? I believe so.
It is imporant to give 100% in your marriage. To go above and beyond in the eyes of your partner. When your husband has had a long day at work, do something special to show him you care. Your all is what makes it work. Giving yourself, and shifting your priorities for the better. I know that humility is so important, and it can mold a marriage into something wonderful.
Our time and our talents are needed within a marriage. As we bring Christ nearer to us, we are learning to put our needs second among our spouse, children, and other people we associate with on a daily basis. I know that this is such an important step toward becoming a more godly person. Each of us are striving for perfection. There should be no room for mediocrity. Bringing God into a marriage, and trusting Him, you will discover that your love for your spouse will grow, and you will see your life in a different light.
Pride is an issue that is very common in society today. People ignoring others opinions due to the "I know better than you" syndrome. The definition of pride found in the Merriam-Webster dictionary is "a feeling that you are more important or better than other people." How do you think pride can effect a married couple? When a spouse thinks they are better, more hard working, or determined than the other. How can love survive in an environment like that? Well, the answer is simple: it can't.
Marriage is a delicate thing, and needs to be treated as such. Pride is a tool used to ruin relationships both inside and outside of marriage. One of the most important things my parents have taught me in my own life is the importance of guidance by the spirit. As I have grown up, it has been something focused on quite often when teaching us skills we must know. It was always their first priority to always be receiving guidance and revelation for our family. Moving from a newly remodeled dream home in California, to a smaller home in Utah for several years, knowing when to help others and teach us children what service really was about, and so much more. They have always been very open about their feelings with the Lord, and with us. As I grew older, I realized the importance of this topic, and the strength it has brought my family.
In a talk given by President Ezra Taft Benson called "Beware of Pride", he states that "the proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives. (See Helaman 12:6) They pit their perceptions of truth against God's great knowledge, their abilities versus God's priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works."
A prideful spouse can rob you of blessings that come from guidance by the spirit. If you did not have the chance to have witnessed these blessings previously, I challenge you to choose now to become a transitional character in your family tree, and make it a hallmark to set aside your pride and let the spirit guide. I know that through the atonement of Jesus Christ a heart can be changed for the better, and long lasting marriages can come from a relationship centered around Christ.
One of the most important things we can do is face the partner we
are married to. It is a necessity for a marriage to succeed. A couple is joined
as one, and must communicate as one as well. It is so important for them to
lean on each other, and be one in spirit. Many times when stress comes, this is
the first thing that is altered. Being "too busy" leads to the
feelings such as "I can do this alone" or "I can handle this
without you". This is something that needs to be avoided. When afflictions
and pains come, that is when a couple must become even closer. I love the book
written by H. Wallace Goddard called "Drawing Heaven Into Your
Marriage". The book talks about the spiritual aspects of a marriage, which
is ultimately the most important element. Goddard talks about replacing evil
with goodness, and explains a story about Jesus Christ. The ultimate message
was saying that it takes strong faith to remove doubt, sadness, and pain. It
also takes strong faith to make a marriage successful. I have seen many people
whom I consider role models in my life really grasp these elements and extend
beyond them. People I have met are just beaming with faith, kindness, and a
peaceful heart. It makes me feel as if I have a chance to be that way someday.
In many cases, that peaceful heart comes from trials within a marriage. I hope
to become that way someday. By turning toward my husband, trusting his faith
and having my own, we can conquer the most destructive storms in life.
As I have studied different tactics on how to go about forming a strong marriage, a few things have
stuck out like a sore thumb. One of the absolute most important things to do in a marriage is nurture the fondness and admiration you have for one another. When life gets hectic, (and believe me, it does) those moments when you first met, first held hands, first kissed, etc. are going to pull you out of that phase of frustration, and realize the value of your partner. With a change of heart, patience, love, and happiness will be a hallmark in your marriage.
Now, I tend to use my parents as examples quite often,but it is because I look up to them and would someday like to model my marriage similar to theirs. As I grew up in a home filled with love, charity, forgiveness, and service, I had an ideal setting to build a strong foundation. I learned what works in a successful relationship. Many times my parents would go on dates together, laugh at jokes from years past, talk about that coworker that my dad witnessed get taped to an office chair and pushed into an elevator, and just talking casually about things they could be improving on both together and personally. These attributes I have found in my parents marriage, have been very similar to what I have studied.
A marriage does not work if one spouse is only giving 50%. An equally yolked relationship that is continuously strengthened through communication is the answer to success. Speak with one another, study together, pray together, strengthen those bonds whenever possible. Experiencing sacrifice and faith is the glue of morality. These principles can be implemented not only in a marital setting, but in relationships with family members as well. As we continue to communicate with one another, bonds will become more prevalent. I have seen these things in my own personal life, and I can truly testify of the strength and peace it can bring not only a married couple, but a family.
Marriage is a delicate gift. It
can be very difficult at times to create a harmonious balance between couples.
This week I focused quite a bit on really studying the behaviors of both
successful and unsuccessful marriages, and why things went haywire. My eyes
were opened as I realized how my own parents have followed many of the steps to
a successful marriage without realizing what they were doing. Throughout my
life they have somehow nurtured a healthy relationship. How did they do this
you may ask? It is simple.
In a book called "The Seven Principles for
Making Marriage Work" by John M. Gottman, it speaks a lot about how the
foundation of a healthy, thriving relationship is based on the friendship of
the couple. A couple that takes time to laugh together, go on dates together,
play with the kids together, plan, speak, study, and pray together. As I have
worked on strengthening the relationships in my own life, I have depended on
the core friendship, and built off of that. I have learned so much as I
evaluate my situations and act accordingly.
When I was young, I would see my parents have disagreements, but they would always end up resolving the conflict, whether they went somewhere private and had a reasonable discussion, or they just ended up laughing and breaking the tension. When that friendship is strong, it will result in a beautiful, harmonious marriage. It is my goal to take the things I have learned from my own parents and carry it into the relationships I have in the future.
Relationships between loved ones are essential
for our happiness. I know that strengthening the bonds of marriage can come
from communication and trust. These two principles are the key to a successful
love story. Love your best friend. Cherish them, and focus on their needs. As
they do the same for you, the beautiful, delicate marriage will bloom.
Raising children in a home immersed in love, kindness, and charity is one of our most difficult, yet essential responsibilities in this life. Teaching them the importance of the gospel, and their role in Heavenly Fathers plan is not something that should be taken lightly. As the future generation develops and retains information, they must have the knowledge that the gospel will be a blessing in their lives. It will allow peace, happiness, and strength in discovering the role they play in this life.
Having parents who were bound by covenants in the temple brings a family many priceless blessings. Bringing up children who know of the sacredness and importance of these covenants will help them know of the love our Heavenly Father has for each of us. The significance of the holy temple can be taught through the guidance of the spirit, so the children are able to fully grasp this concept. It is so important to bring up the future generation knowing they are sealed to their family for eternity. This will bring great comfort in the future.
Not only should children be taught the importance of the temple, but should be shown. Speaking reverently of the sacred ordinances, walking the grounds of the temple while singing primary hymns, placing pictures of the beautiful holy buildings on the walls of the home as a constant reminder, and helping them see the blessings that have been obtained in their own families will really help them gain a better understanding of its importance. In a message from the First Presidency called “What I Hope You Would Teach Your Children about the Temple”, it says that “the temple is an ever-present reminder that God intends the family to be eternal. How fitting it is for mothers and fathers to point to the temple and say to their children, ‘This is the place where we were married for eternity.’ By so doing, the ideal of temple marriage can be instilled within the minds and hearts of your children while very young.”
The marriage between a husband and wife is sacred. Children should know that each parent has a divine role in making their marriage one that is filled with love and strength. Having a father that cherishes his priesthood power, and searches for opportunities to bless his family is vital. Being the patriarch of the home, and holding those priesthood keys will bring sacred blessings that are only attained by using that priesthood power regularly. As children in the home know of the blessings given to their family because of the father’s righteousness, they will have the desire to either follow in their father’s footsteps, or strive to be worthy of a husband who can bring these blessings in their future homes.
In an Ensign article given by Elder Bruce C. Hafen called “Covenant Marriage”, he says this: “When troubles come, the parties to a contractual marriage seek happiness by walking away. They marry to obtain benefits and will stay only as long as they’re receiving what they bargained for. But when troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through. They marry to give and to grow, bound by covenants to each other, to the community, and to God. Contract companions each give 50 percent; Covenant companions each give 100 percent.”
If each spouse is 100 percent honest, faithful, loving, and devoted in their marriage, working together to raise a family in the gospel will be a joyous experience. A husband and wife must depend on each other for strength. A conference report given by President Joseph Fielding Smith, called “The Fullness of the Priesthood”, states that “There is nothing in all this world as important to each of us as putting first in our lives the things of God’s kingdom, as keeping the commandments, as magnifying our callings in the priesthood, as going to the house of the Lord and being offered the fullness of the blessings of our Father’s kingdom.”
As we all strive now and in the future to raise children to know of the importance of these sacred principles, blessings will come. Our Heavenly Father has given us all of the tools necessary to teach our children how to navigate their way through this world drenched in sin. Having a home that acts as an escape from the world is crucial. By speaking kindly, praying regularly, and keeping any worldly filth out of the walls of our personal homes, we will receive peace and everlasting joy throughout our lives here on earth.
This is a topic that not many
people have the courage to bring up, let alone stand for. It is one that has
caused great conflict among countries all over the world, including the United
States. We are fighting a moral battle every day. People being persecuted and
harassed for standing with their feet firm in the religious opinion they hold
close to their hearts. On the other hand, many have kept quiet in fear of
damaging personal relationships, or creating harsh feelings. Same-sex marriage
is an argument that has been brought up more often as our world evolves from
traditional standards.
Many people will argue, and phrases such as "my marriage and choices have nothing
to do with you" or "my decision is a private matter and you don't
need to worry about me" are thrown around quite often. These statements are not true. Marriage is a
lot more than a piece of paper or sexual attraction.The
institution of marriage is a structure that shapes our communities, and guides
the future generations to follow in the footsteps of their parents. In an
article produced by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints called
"The Divine Institution of Marriage" it speaks of this matter.
"The all-important question of public policy must be: what environment is
best for the child and for the rising generation? While some same-sex couples
will obtain guardianship over children, traditional marriage provides the most
solid and well-established social identity for children. It increases the
likelihood that they will be able to form a clear gender identity, with
sexuality closely linked to both love and procreation. By contrast, the legal
recognition of same-sex marriage may, over time, erode the social identity,
gender development, and moral character of children." Parents of the same
gender will tend to confuse the children they raise. The children are bound to
have more self doubt and feelings of inadequacy and the parents will promote
gender changes, same-sex marriage, and other things that destroy the makeup of
the family.
The definition of marriage has
been altered over time to accommodate those who don't "fit the
mold" of a traditional marriage. The people today are so wrapped up in the
need to tiptoe around the opinions and feelings people have, and willingly
share. Social media plays a big part in doing so. As we take a stand, and make
our opinions and beliefs clear, we are bound to get negative feedback. Either
way, there could be someone who did not have the courage that you had to do so,
and is grateful for your courage; this is what's most important. Taking a stand
for what is truly right.
As people in the homosexual
community force their lifestyles upon the other members of society, especially
members of Christian congregations, we are slowly becoming victims in the hot
seat. Our rights are being taken away because feelings would be hurt if we do
not oblige. So many people in the wedding industry, adoption agencies, and
other religious institutions are trying to hold to what they believe to be
true, but are being persecuted, sued, and mocked for doing
so. Our freedom of speech and religion are slowly slipping because of
this new idea that equality is a necessity. A single person will never be able
to please everybody. Also, not everybody will be equal. Legalizing gay marriage
will bind the hands of people who don't agree with the concept, forcing them to
put a smile on their face and do things that violate their beliefs.
Turning to the scriptures to find
the answer is always a logical solution. In Luke 6:32-33, Jesus Christ teaches
that no matter what the sinner is doing, we can love each person just the same.
It is okay to love the sinner, but not condone the sin. Christ's example
manifested the greatest love possible. Elder Dallin H. Oaks observes this:
"Tolerance does not require abandoning one's standards or one's opinions
on political or public policy choices. Tolerance is a way of reacting to
diversity, not a command to insulate it from examination" We must be
tolerant, but also stand on the firm foundation of the gospel for support in
doing so. In my personal experience, people I have grown very close to have
been involved in same-sex relationships. They know that I don't agree with
their actions, but still are able to feel the love I have for them, just as any
other person would. Let this be our goal. Calling names, antagonizing, and
bullying do not show what side you are on.
In conclusion, the lack of
balanced roles both in the home and in our everyday lives is eminent. A mother
and father are essential when bringing up the future generation. This world is
turning its back on traditional values and the people are only digging a deeper
hole in their own hearts. As this world is evolving and forming stronger
opinions, The Lord's commandmentshave not changed. It
is becoming more difficult to stand by them, but it is crucial in this day and
age. The Lord's commandments are set, and it is our decision which side we choose.
The family is being attacked, and is slowly losing its meaning. By standing
firm in our beliefs, the hopes of raising a strong future generation can still
become a reality.
Comparing our society today to 60+ years ago, it is evident that the standards of the world as a whole have become seen as more of a burden, rather than a blessing. All over the media we find parents divorcing, babies being born out of wedlock, spouses being unfaithful, children stuck between families, and those "dramas" are all available at the touch of a few buttons while sitting on our couch at home. These situations have become the norm in our society and it's terrifying. There is an underlying principal that has been altered. It has gone from "I will do anything to make my spouse feel loved, heard, and comfortable so our marriage can stay healthy" to "I'm not happy anymore so I think a divorce would be the best option for us." A marriage is a sacred ordinance that must be cherished, nurtured, and brought back to a healthy state.
Many people today are raised in similar situations. Homes full of contention, heart ache, and both mental and sometimes physical abuse. These situations are hard to overcome, and no child should have to be put through such a thing. It is the result of the parents mistakes. So how can the child overcome this burden they were born into? These situations do not force a person to follow the footsteps of their parents in their future homes. By guidance by the spirit, those trials can be overcome both within the home, and when starting their own family.
In a book written in the 1980's called "Marriage and the Family" written by Carlfred Broderick (professor of sociology, University of Southern California), the original definition of a transitional character is given: "A transitional character is one who in a single generation, changes the entire course of a lineage. The individuals who grow up in an abusive, emotionally destructive environment and who somehow find a way to metabolize the poison and refuse to pass it to their children.They break the mold. They refute the observations that 'the sins of the fathers are visited upon the heads of the children to the third and fourth generation.' Their contribution to humanity is to filter the destructiveness out of their own lineage so that the generations downstream will have supportive foundations upon which to build productive lives."
Looking back into history, I have come to realize that so many people have taken the role of being a transition in their lineage upon themselves, and changed the path of their ancestors. Multiple examples we can learn from are found in the scriptures. In 2 Nephi 2:1-2, it explains how Jacobs father Lehi taught him to take his "suffered afflictions and much sorrow", trust in the Lord, and he will turn his afflictions to gain. In Abraham 1:4-5 it also describes how the fathers of Abraham "turned from their righteousness, and from the holy commandments which the Lord their God had given unto them" and he took it upon himself to be righteous and change the course of his Priesthood line.
Not only are transitional characters found in the scriptures, they are found in many homes today as well. For example, both of my own parents were raised in homes filled with contention. Both my father and mother decided as they grew up that they were not going to have families like their own. As they picked up on things they knew they wanted to stay away from, that is exactly what they did. By taking the example of the parents and grandparents of the home they were raised in, the ideal family in mind had been created. When a husband and wife are married, they have the opportunity for a clean slate. Coming up with new ideas for success and strategizing how to make an eternal relationship eternally happy. These strategies have been noticed in my own home. My mother and father decided to have a home where the spirit would always reside, a safe haven if you will. The contention was minimal, and we laughed and spent time together as a family constantly. Looking back on my life, some of the best memories I have have come from within the walls of my childhood home.
The relationship between a husband and wife is Godly. It is a relationship between three people, rather than two. Heavenly Father plays a direct role in the marriage between a husband and wife. He is the central part of making a healthy marriage. If a couple makes Him that central part of their married life, the transition in the family line will seem a lot more attainable. One of my favorite quotes comes from a talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks: " A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection."
As the world around us is drowning in sin, sorrow, and broken hearts that come from unhealthy relationships, and unfaithfulness, we have the ability to change that course in our personal lives. The people all around us have skewed the vision of marriage in society today. Marriage is a blessing given from a loving Heavenly Father. He wants each of us to succeed and feel loved, as well as the children we produce within the bonds of marriage. Statistics are thrown left and right about single parents, homes that practice cohabitation, and divorce rates. All of the emotions that come from these situations are heightened if children are involved. Setting an example of a healthy, happy home is chance we have to bring happiness into other homes around us. Raising the next generation under the direction and council with the Lord is so important for the spirit to reside within the home. As we work toward bettering our flaws, clarity will come, and the concept of traditional marriage will not die.
Links to learn more about my beliefs on marriage and family:
